I need to buy a jacket. And some shoes. And boots. Possibly an umbrella. This feels weird. I’m in our fifth week in Moscow and it’s time for me to find my uniform; the outfits that make me fit.

I love shopping, as some of you may have noticed, but it seems that five years in Malaysia has made me somewhat averse to buying winter clothes. Actually, it’s even making autumnal outfits feel a bit… out of place. But that fact is this: Moscow is getting colder. It’s now colder than my lowest air-con setting in Kuala Lumpur and I can feel it in my bones. Yesterday I met some people for coffee and I was the only one wearing sandals. Literally, the only person. I shoe-spotted all the way home, through streets and shopping malls, buses and cafes, and not one other single person had their toes out. I don’t blame them, it was cold. So why am I so reluctant to do something that I enjoy (shopping) for something that I need (warmer clothes) when I actually need it (two days ago).

I need to find my uniform for Moscow. A uniform that lets me show who I am – I believe that fashion isn’t about trends but wearing what you enjoy, something that reflects your personality – but also serves a purpose; in this case, keeping me warm! But while I spent the first 33ish years of my life in Northern Europe, I’m somewhat reluctant to go back to a wardrobe of dark coats and black tights.

I loved living in Malaysia for many reasons, but also because dressing was so easy. After a few missteps (I’m still not entirely sure what was going through my head when we moved to Borneo. I had, for some reason, decided that I would like to dress like Baby from Dirty Dancing, despite not being in the 1960s, not 18 years old, and definitely not a svelte dancer soon to bump bits with Patrick Swayze. I blame relatively-recent childbirth and absolutely zero knowledge about what the weather in the tropics was really like. It was a painful few weeks.) I embraced t-shirts and skirts, maybe jeans to keep the mosquitoes away at night. It was always warm and my wardrobe changed from dark clothes to a rainbow of cotton skirts. A move to Kuala Lumpur smartened me up, and I adored wearing dresses, pretty much every day. Jeans and tank tops were fairly common attire too, and my feet became one (or two?) with my beloved Birkenstocks. Lesbian shoes or not, they were great. And getting dressed was a doddle.

Even after leaving KL for travelling around the US, it was simple enough. I bought a pair of jeans on arrival in Hawaii and have barely removed them since (mmm, crunchy). Summer weather and outdoor activities meant light tops and jeans, or my favourite dresses, and the occasional hoodie or fleece. It was a familiar holiday wardrobe, close enough to KL, and I didn’t really need to think about it. The clothes suited me, and I suited the weather.

But now we’re here, in Moscow. And it seems the warm weather of the last five years has indoctrinated me to the extent that even as I am standing there, cold, my initial reaction when looking at a coat is “I probably won’t wear it that much, so I won’t bother”. I think there’s something wrong with me. Because I actually WILL need this! A lot! From now! So the question arises: am I reluctant to get the stuff I need because it really means saying goodbye to the delicious warm climes of KL? To admit that I will be living in Russia and will soon become another dark huddled shape scurrying down the street to avoid the rain? OK, I might be slightly exaggerating that last point, but not much.

Possibly. My daughter started her new school this week, and she has been so excited about her new uniform, so different from KL. It shows her that she has a place, that she fits, and that she is growing up to wear a ‘proper’ uniform. And even as she begs me to let her wear her tights and long sleeve tops, I’m checking my weather app and wondering if I can extend my birkie-wearing one more day, week… She has embraced her new start and place, and I think I need to do the same. Before my toes fall off.

I’m not going to leave Malaysia behind. I’m still going to rock my jewel-coloured dresses (as soon as they arrive, and we have a house to put them in). I’m just going to have to get some awesome new shoes that work with them. I’m going to buy my jacket, and rain coat, and my oh-my-god-it-is-still-snowing coat, but make sure that I don’t become just another shadow. I’m going to go bright, and bring my own warmth to the cool streets. And buying this stuff isn’t just a necessity, but an investment on my life in Moscow. It’s my new uniform, showing that I’m here, that I’m me, and I’m a hell of lot warmer than I was two days ago. And at least I can be sure in the knowledge that I actually do need all this stuff.

I wonder if Birkenstock make winter shoes?